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Post by Random Prince on Aug 20, 2007 15:17:44 GMT -5
What do you think happens after the boat tips?
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Post by WickedElphie on Sept 7, 2007 23:38:58 GMT -5
Alrighty. Here's my take on a post Kiss The Girl scenario.
A Moment in the Woods
Ariel stumbled out of the freezing lagoon, only avoiding a second fall thanks to Eric’s strong arms around her. He guided her safely through the shallows to shore. “Now how could that have happened? I’m really sorry.”
She shook her head and smiled as he helped her onto the bank. If only he could have kissed her before the boat tipped…but there wasn’t anything they could do about it now. There was still a whole day left. It would happen. It had to. She shivered.
Eric quickly returned and draped his cloak around her, his gaze concerned, “It’s a long ride back to town. Would you like me to build a fire, so we could dry off and warm up a little before we go?”
When she nodded her affirmative, he set to work finding a safe place to build it, fuel, as well as somewhere for he and his guest to sit. A small clearing and a dismantled fallen tree provided all three.
Ariel watched in awe, admiring his adaptability. Eric knew so much! He really was perfect. He was smart, kind, handsome, and chivalrous to a fault. Literally. She would have been ecstatic at his devotion to the girl who had rescued him, but with no way to prove that SHE was the girl and time running out, she couldn’t help wishing he was a tiny bit less honorable. She smiled fondly at him. He really was hopeless.
When the fire finally flared to life and began to dance merrily Eric turned his attention to Ariel. And then time stopped.
There was a light in her eyes, as if some secret wish had been granted. She radiated pure joy and even with her wet and tangled hair and sopping dress, she seemed more beautiful to him than when she had entered the palace dining room bedecked in royal finery.
An eternity later Ariel seemed to wake from her daze, and looked away, blushing. Eric in turn realized he’d been gaping at her like a fish, and flushed as well. Gathering his courage, he sat down next to her.
“So did you have fun today?”
Ariel nodded energetically, and through pantomime and hand gestures tried to express what she had enjoyed most. Eric didn’t catch every ‘word’, but he had begun to learn how to read her expressions, and more often then not understood. He responded just as enthusiastically, and soon a conversation, albeit an unconventional one began to flow.
“I’m glad you enjoyed dancing. It’s just too bad you didn’t have a better partner.”
“That‘s sweet of you, but I’m not.”…
Sebastian carefully watched to the two would-be lovers. Things seemed to be going wellagain, after the utter disaster with the boat. Perhaps the human prince would end up kissing Ariel tonight after all. The crab had to admit, for a human Eric didn’t seem very barbaric (unlike that insane chef of his). With any luck that would keep him from ending up like his statue when this was all over. And Ariel from ending up in Ursula’s garden.
“I’m sorry. I don’t understand.”
Sebastian sighed. Ariel had decided to try one more time to make the prince realize that she had been the one to save him, but it just wasn’t coming across.
“Crying? Calling? Singing? Something about singing?”
Could it be? Would the boy actually figure out the truth?
“Singing. You and me? You and me and singing?”
Sebastian crossed his claws for luck. This was it.
“Oh I think understand. You want me to sing a song? Is that it?”
The crab fell backwards off the bank into the water. So close and yet so far.
Ariel sighed noiselessly. It wasn’t going to work. Even if he could understand what she wanted to tell him, she had no way to prove it.
Eric brushed his bangs back from his forehead in frustration, “I’m sorry. Do you want to try again?” He felt awful, but the only other way he could have interoperated her hand signals was…impossible. It was his mind playing tricks on him, the same way it had when they had first met, and nothing more. It couldn’t be.
She shook her head and smiled sadly. He was so sweet. If only he could understand…
“I am sorry. Lately, it seems like I can‘t do anything right.”
Ariel blinked, then shook her head vehemently.
“Oh yes! Believe me!” he laughed bitterly, “I sunk a ship. Well, *I* didn’t sink it, but I did insist on having my birthday at sea the night the worst storm in ten years decided to hit. And then after…and I shouldn’t be complaining to you about my problems.”
Eric sounded so tired, so beaten. Was that really how he felt about himself? Ariel could hardly believe it. She had known he was special from the beginning. How could he not see it?
“You know something, I wish I was more like you. You never let anything get you down. No, more than that. You’re fearless. Like with the carriage this afternoon. You just trusted yourself and jumped. You‘re brave, and kind, and funny and I...”
Eric wanted to tell her, needed to tell her, but the part of him that still clung to that fading memory on the seashore stilled the words in his throat. It was hard to give up on a dream, even when something, someone just as wonderful was there waiting just beside him. ‘But she wouldn’t always be would she?’ his more rational side asserted. She had a life of her own and a right to live it, somewhere away from him if she so chose. That last thought wasn’t a pleasant one, but it was true. He had a choice to make, but he wasn’t quite ready to do so.
He gently stroked Ariel’s cheek with his right hand, as he closed his mouth, took a breath and started again. “There are a lot of things I need to think about, and I know It’s not fai rto you, but please wait a little longer. Give me tonight and I swear to you that first thing tomorrow, we‘ll have another talk. I promise.”
She took his hand in her own and looked deeply into his eyes, trying to convey both her need to know and soon, along with her willingness to give him ‘til morning. He nodded in understanding, and she smiled once again before turning forward and almost without thinking, leaning into his chest. Eric was startled by the close contact at first, but the warmth of her small form against his own seemed right somehow, and he let it be for now.
Feeling so much at peace, he didn’t notice that the fire was being slowly smothered by the growing darkness. But a small spark still lingered underneath, promising a rebirth of the light.
********************************************* And now that the first of these extended scenes has been posted, the rest of you insanely talented people can go to it! Come on guys, I'm looking forward to all your ideas. Even if you're not a regular poster in the Fanfic section, give it a try.
Make it as long or short as you want, from any perspective you like, no matter how obscure. Want to write a post-Under the Sea fic from the POV of the third fish from the right, go ahead!
And most of all, remember the number one rule: Have fun!
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Post by Random Prince on Sept 8, 2007 14:19:25 GMT -5
Wow! What a great way to get this started!!! My fav parts were Eric 'gaping at her like a fish', 'with any luck that would keep him from ending up like his statue' and"You want me to sing a song?" And you managed to make Eric a lot more interesting than in the movie! It reminded me a lot of the original HCA story, where she has to follow the prince around like a pet until he makes up his mind. At least in this version he's apologetic!
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Post by dreamer on Sept 8, 2007 17:40:28 GMT -5
Excellent
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Post by WickedElphie on Sept 8, 2007 18:42:40 GMT -5
What can I say, I like my men angsty. LOL.
I dunno, whenever I watch the second half of the movie I can just see Eric going "Wow I like this girl. But what about the one who saved me? But this girl's really nice too. ARGH! Somebody just kill me now..." and I just kind of built on that.
The whole sing a song thing came up in my original draft which was going to go in a whole different direction, but as I was editing I thought it was a funny bit so I kept it.
FYI there's a part where I reference the musical demo, can anybody find it?
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Post by Random Prince on Sept 9, 2007 12:27:32 GMT -5
FYI there's a part where I reference the musical demo, can anybody find it? How about a clue?
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Post by WickedElphie on Sept 9, 2007 13:16:54 GMT -5
It's from Act 2 and the line in the story is Eric's.
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Post by Random Prince on Sept 9, 2007 13:37:58 GMT -5
Is it either of these? Probably not, but they both sound kinda familiar.
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Post by WickedElphie on Sept 9, 2007 13:56:16 GMT -5
It's the first one. It's not an exact quote but it's close to what Demo!Eric says to Ariel in the dialog before if Only.
Demo!Eric also says that he "really enjoyed [their] talk", but that similarity was unintentional.
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Post by Merstar on Jan 7, 2008 10:54:37 GMT -5
I know the title is a song from Into The Woods... love it!
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Post by WickedElphie on Feb 5, 2008 1:06:12 GMT -5
Wow! I can't believe you caught that. Yeah, but Eric and Ariel have some...different ideas about what a 'moment' is than the the Baker's Wife and Cinderella's Prince. But something the Baker's Wife says in "Moments in The Woods" encapsulates what Eric needs to learn, and that's why I chose the title:
Let the moment go... Don't forget it for a moment, though. Just remembering you've had and "and", When you're back to "or", Makes the "or" mean more Than it did before. Now I understand-
And it's time to leave the woods.
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Post by fathomsbelow on Jan 2, 2009 19:50:50 GMT -5
I really enjoyed it. Well done! You really deepened Eric's character. It's so sad how he didn't understand that Ariel was the girl who rescued him, yet it's kind of funny and cute how he didn't get it.
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Post by WickedElphie on Jan 2, 2009 21:13:46 GMT -5
I'm glad you enjoyed it. I love Eric so I had fun getting inside his head.
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Post by fridamoonbeam on Jan 2, 2009 23:56:06 GMT -5
Oh, yes, been meaning to tell you how I love this little part you added. Sebastian just cracks me up XD
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Post by WickedElphie on Jan 3, 2009 1:41:01 GMT -5
Heh. The part with him falling is a result of me watching too much anime. In a lot of anime there is a convention if someone is watching or listening to someone and they see/hear something they aren't expecting (usually silly) they kind of fall over from the ridiculousness. It's called a face vault. A good example is in Yu Yu Hakusho-Yusuke, the main guy, is listening in on a bad guy threating to hurt someone named Eicichi if honorable tough-guy side-kick Kuwabara doesn't do what he wants. Kuwabara says he'll do anything as long as they don't hurt Eicichi...who turns out to be his kitten, not his girlfriend. Cue Yusuke doing a classic face vault. I figured it was appropriate here.
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Post by rosa on Feb 13, 2009 22:00:53 GMT -5
Coldness and Burning
She had never feared the water before. In the past she glided smoothly through it, leaving bubbles in her wake. Even in its cold depths, and when it moaned during a storm, she had been at home.
But as she unexpectedly found herself no longer in the boat but in the lagoon, a brand new fear caught her. She could not tell what was up from down. Her eyes could see nothing in the mucky darkness. Most frightening of all, she still could not breathe under water. Helplessly, she thrashed about desperately.
Something grasped one of her arms, drawing her up, and Ariel’s head broke the surface moments later. Coughing and sputtering up the water that had gotten into her mouth, she felt herself sinking back. Her mouth opened in a soundless cry for help, not understanding why the water would not let her go.
“Hang on!” a voice spoke above her, and her other arm was taken in a firm grip. Slowly Ariel was lifted up again, and her feet found the muddy rocky bottom. For a moment she lowered her head, stared at the water lapping at her waist, and closed her eyes. She became aware of her heavy breathing and her body stiffened with fear.
“I’ve got you,” the words were assuring and calming.
Yet she did not relax.
“Ariel?”
Her name pierced the dark, foreign emotions surrounding her like a beacon of light. The girl looked up to discover Eric before her, dripping wet, his hands steadying her, his face awash with concern.
“Are you okay?” he asked worriedly.
Slowly she nodded. She was okay, now that she realized she could stand, could breathe again, and with Eric here. The girl gave him a tiny smile.
He sighed deeply and his shoulders relaxed, freed from an invisible weight. Lifting his left hand from Ariel’s arm, he gently brushed away the wet red hair plastered over her forehead. Ariel watched him wonderingly.
Abruptly he withdrew his hand, something flickering in his face. “Let’s get you out of the water,” he said in a strange voice. His eyes darted about, avoiding hers. “Don’t want you to catch cold,” he added as he started helping her towards the shore.
Only then did Ariel realize she was shaking from head to toe: because of the cool night, her now-fading fear, from Eric’s touch, or disappointment at how he had nearly kissed her before the boat tipped over – she did not know. She lifted the skirt of her dress a little, which was making it difficult for her to walk, the wet garment feeling so heavy.
Soon they waded out of the water and onto the bank. Gratefully Ariel sank down on a fallen log at Eric’s direction. She hugged herself tightly. As the girl’s breathing calmed and her heart slowed, her body relaxing, she wondered for the first time what had caused the boat to flip over. The lagoon had been peaceful until that moment. She could not understand what had happened. Clearing away the question with a slight shake of her head, she watched with mounting curiosity as Eric gathered pieces of wood about the area and put them in a pile.
A light wind picked up, and Ariel shivered. Swiftly she rubbed her hands together, trying to warm them. It was strange how cold the water had left her. In the past when she’d snuck up to the surface, there had only been light and warmth to greet her. But now…
She jumped at a strange sound and, looking around nervously, silently gasped as an orange glow appeared and slowly grew amidst the wood Eric was kneeling by. It burned brighter, stronger, spreading as the prince blew on it. Soon the all the wood was engulfed in this orange glow.
Transfixed, she stared. She felt she had seen something like this thing before…in one of her books perhaps. An image of a lady with dark hair, face wistful while resting against her hand, gazing at a small yellow light, came to the girl. Ariel’s eyes lighted. Was this a…a… fire?
Excitedly she rose to her feet and moved towards the flames. How queer it was, making her warm and she had not touched it! What did it feel like? And she reached out a hand to find out.
“Ariel, no!”
Suddenly her hand was snatched away. Startled, she discovered Eric holding her hand firmly. The expression on his face was one she could not comprehend. A frown touched his brow as he gazed at her.
“You’ll burn your hand,” he said.
Burn? Is that a bad thing? Ariel wondered. She looked between the flames and her hand, before her questioning eyes returned to Eric.
He seemed to sense her puzzlement. “The fire is too hot to touch. You will get hurt if you do,” he explained.
Her face lighted with realization and she nodded. How fascinating! Then she pointed at her arm, rubbed it with her free hand, and then gestured to the fire. Eric followed her animating hand, confused. She did it again, and then a third time.
“You wanted the fire to help dry you off?” he asked slowly.
She gave him a smile and affirming nod.
A small smile touched his face. “If you put your hands near it like this…,” and holding one of her hands in each of his he held them at a safe distance from the flames. “Just be careful not to get too close.”
A comfortable silence, broken only by the wood crackling in the fire, fell over the two for some minutes. Staring into the leaping flames, Ariel grew content as her hands slowly warmed up. The wind tickled the back of her neck, and a chill raced down her spine.
“Still cold?” Eric said in a low voice. He shifted closer and brought their joined hands towards him. Placing her palms together, he began to vigorously rub his hands over them. Almost instantly Ariel felt the cold lessen from her fingers. Soon they were nice and warm, and the feelings spread up her arms.
Slowly she lifted her gaze from her hands to Eric, a concentrated expression on his face. How kind he is, she sighed to herself. Thank you, Eric.
Unexpectedly he raised his head and their eyes met. His hands stilled over hers. “Ariel…” her name came in that same low tone.
She tilted her head slightly to one side, and her heart skipped a beat. Yes…
His shoulders slumped, and he suddenly had trouble holding her gaze. “Back there, in the boat –” he broke off and swallowed hard. “I-I-I shouldn’t have done that,” he went on.
Ariel watched a range of emotions cross his face, unable to understand until his next words:
“When we almost—”
In one swift movement he released her hands and was on his feet. He ran a hand through his damp hair. “I’m sorry,” he said hoarsely and walked away from the fire.
Quivering breaths escaped the girl’s lips. She followed Eric’s retreating back before looking at the fire. Unbeknownst to her, her cheeks were becoming strangely wet. All Ariel was aware of was how cold she felt inside, and that her heart lay at her feet.
THE END
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Post by Random Prince on Feb 14, 2009 6:09:21 GMT -5
That's great, Rosa! It was very descriptive and atmospheric. I really enjoyed reading it.
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Post by WickedElphie on Feb 14, 2009 10:40:04 GMT -5
Wow! I really loved this. Poor heartbroken Ariel and conflicted Eric. Good thing we know he gets his act together eventually.
It's kind of funny how we had similar ideas (fire after the boat tipping over) but took them in such different directions.
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Post by Zavi on Feb 14, 2009 16:07:35 GMT -5
Oh my Lord, Rosa, you're making my amazing Valentines Day even better. -e-glomps- If I knew where you lived, I would toss my Godiva chocolate to you no matter how far I'd have to throw it!
I just melt when people put a large emphasis on the scene's atmosphere and all-around description, because it really pulls the scene together. I love how you showed the reader every little sensation.
And AAAAH, the TENSION! I'm speaking of this:
I melted.
Since I'm in such a good mood, it's going to be difficult to critique, but I'll do my best:
I'd watch how many adverbs you use. They tend to be "telling" words and there's usually a better, more powerful way to describe things without them. It's okay to use them, but do so sparingly. Verbs and nouns can accomplish more than you think.
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Post by fridamoonbeam on Feb 14, 2009 18:04:30 GMT -5
Wow..... This is beautiful. I love how much emotion you condenced in just the few seconds. The interaction was so sweet. I love how you slipped in that Eric was feeling guilty for what he almost did. And Ariel! I just wanted to give her a hug!
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