|
Post by Random Prince on Aug 20, 2007 15:19:48 GMT -5
What do you think happens after Eric is hypnotised?
|
|
|
Post by weaselbeast on Jan 2, 2008 12:31:16 GMT -5
Ahem. I'd almost forgotten about this, only to notice it again the other day. It might not be much, but, oh well. Here's my take on this scene for some general enjoyment.
For a moment he wondered why he was staring down at the beach. What was he doing here, anyway? He didn’t have any purpose in doing such a thing, did he? The answer came to him simply and divinely as though a voice had whispered down from the heavens; of course, he was going down to her.
At that he took off without a second thought not noticing the vibrations the rough cobblestones of the stairs sent through his entire body with every long stride that he took. He had something much more important to attend to. Finally he came to a halt, in front of her. He could see her clearly enough now.
Her hair was long, reaching the small of her back, wavy and dark. For half-a-heartbeat that filled him with a vague disquiet, but he didn’t have time for that. Her face was also long with artfully styled eyebrows, deep, entrancing, lilac eyes and a very sweet, wanting mouth. Her skin was porcelain, cream and gold, and her long neck was delicate and slender. Eric studied her, without self-consciousness and his eyes were drawn to the seashell necklace hanging over her bodice. It was such a small concession to finery, and at long last he looked at her clothes. The woman’s cloak draped down, cutting off at about her knees. The wind pulled at it playfully along with her rather gorgeous and suggestive looking dark dress.
It was at this moment that Eric quite suddenly became aware that she most certainly was a woman. This revelation didn’t particularly startle him or make him flustered in anyway. But why would he care of such a thing…? At the same time he was aware of another voice in his mind, cold, rational, and completely sane telling him dryly, and with a better vocabulary, that not only was she a woman, but he was a man. Eric didn’t much like that voice, but before he could think about that any further a new question, desperately important, dawned on him. What was he to say to her?
He asked, “What’s your name?”
A sweet smile spread across her features. She replied silkily, “Vanessa.”
At that moment, Eric’s vague confusion (not that he was paying it any mind) simply faded away. It was her beautiful voice. Vanessa had saved him. He didn’t bother asking any other, unnecessary questions but merely held out a hand. She took it and strutted up to him, boldly.
His consciousness almost bled at that perfection of beauty and grace that she had as she came to stand just in front of him, her hands clasped together at her slim waist. She smiled at him again and asked archly, “Aren’t you going to ask me to come up?”
“Oh. Yes. Of course. Vanessa. Yes.” Had there been something a little sly about her expression there, the way she had asked? But no, Eric couldn’t take the time to think of that. He had suddenly remembered what he had to do. He didn’t know why he remembered. Come to think of it, he didn’t even know what he was remembering it from. But he instinctively knew it was the correct thing to do here. He leaned forward, tilting his head carefully to make sure of the angle and his lips met hers.
It wasn’t the first time he’d ever kissed a girl, or that was what he might have said, but Eric realized abruptly that it was the first time he’d ever had a real kiss. The passion, with which she met him, full on the lips, was staggering. Otherwise he might have wondered further why exactly he had to kiss her.
He couldn’t say exactly how long they were kissing, but it suddenly seemed like the right moment to break off, and so they did. The two walked along in silence for a while, arm-in-arm. Eric didn’t notice that they weren’t walking towards the castle. He was too busy drinking in the wonder of Vanessa, the girl who’d saved him. He watched as she walked, gracefully, with each little step her hair bouncing and coiling a little. After a moment he became aware, of other, more noticeable things moving in various ways. And that bright necklace of hers was the crowning touch…
On a sudden impulse he slid his arm around her waist and asked, “Marry me, Vanessa.”
She let him hold her there for a minute or so, obviously not perturbed in the least by his familiarity. At last she laughed in that sweet voice of hers, “Alright.” She eased up against him, her hands playing at his shirt collar and before he knew it, she was bouncing a little on his leg. She smiled again, and leaned in, her lips puckered for another kiss.
Eric never noticed that the vague sense of unease he’d been acquiring again. It had just, suddenly, vanished.
|
|
|
Post by WickedElphie on Jan 3, 2008 17:52:40 GMT -5
Is it wrong that I REALLY loved this? Anyway, it reminded me a bit of the earlier version of the TLM script where Vanessa and Eric share an on-screen kiss.
The only critiscism I have, and it isn't even really a critiscism, is that the hypnosis or whatever seems much more subtle here than what we see in the actual movie.
So, great take on the continued storyline!
|
|
|
Post by weaselbeast on Jan 3, 2008 21:42:35 GMT -5
No. There's nothing wrong with the fact that you love this. It's actually a sign that you're very, very healthy. And no, my personal bias as the author has nothing to do with that assessment...
Anyway, as far as the subtleties go; seeing that I was writing it from Eric's point of view, it seemed to me that it would best suit Ursula (and be more creepy and insidious too) if he didn't know that he'd been hypnotized. I tried to make it very clear that he knew something was wrong, but under the effect on the hypnosis, and especially when she speaks to him, he doesn't have the mental clarity to really realize or pay attention to his mis-givings. Rather a good plan on Vanessa's part if I do say so myself.
|
|
|
Post by WickedElphie on Jan 3, 2008 22:02:26 GMT -5
I got that in your story Eric sort of sensed that something was wrong, but that the spell was making him disregard it. I enjoyed how you got that across. What I meant was that in the movie Eric's movement and speech are so slow and robotic it seemed to me like Ursula/Vanessa sort of possessed Eric and took direct control over his actions. Whereas what you have here is much more subtle. It's like she altered his overall perception, but at the same time is whispering sugestions to him mentally...I don't think I'm explaining myself very well. Anyway, like I said, it's not even a complaint, more like general musings over the mechanics of the technique behind the spell, 'cause I'm weird like that. The story's still great by the way.
|
|
|
Post by weaselbeast on Jan 4, 2008 10:43:02 GMT -5
No, I understand exactly what you're saying. I just wanted to scene to be deliciously creepy and insidious.
|
|
|
Post by WickedElphie on Jan 4, 2008 11:16:52 GMT -5
I just wanted to scene to be deliciously creepy and insidious. And it is, so it all works out.
|
|
|
Post by Random Prince on Jan 8, 2008 17:05:13 GMT -5
That's totally how Vanessa would act - she is Ursula after all. "Body language!" In the movie it seems like Eric is more hypnotised by the voice than seduced by Vanessa, but this still works really well.
|
|
|
Post by weaselbeast on Jan 9, 2008 17:55:48 GMT -5
Well, even in the movie I always kind of assumed it was both hypnosis and seduction. But, at the risk of repeating myself, I particularly wanted it to be insidious and creepy anyway.
And yes, Vanessa is a fun (and easy) character to write for. It's just Ursula pretending to be sweet and saintly.
|
|
|
Post by pokeria1 on Nov 3, 2008 18:44:32 GMT -5
Well, I did a variation of what happens next, and, well, it's probably going to have some "Terminator 2" references. Namely, the fact that the dog starts barking ferociously at someone he senses as not being human or good, and said inhuman kills a person soon afterwards (Coincidentally, both dogs in TLM and T2:JD have the name "Max".). Also, there is also a reference to the Green Goblin in Spider-man:
After proposal, Eric leaves for the castle, with Vanessa in tow.
Vanessa then walks over to Eric's passage, while secretly scheming what to do.
"hehehe... Soon, I will be able to make Ariel.. mine, as well as my rightful place in the oceans. After the wedding, however, I will make sure to... take care of Eric, in a very painful matter in front of all the guests at the wedding. My revenge on Triton will be at hand, for his exiling me from Atlantica..." Ursula gloats
However, as she's plotting, another, more insidious version of her voice breaks in through her mouth.
"Ursula! Don't you care for far more than just ruling this pathetic Ocean?! Don't you want revenge on Ariel?!" Says the demonic voice.
Vanessa, or rather, Ursula, is surprised at hearing the demonic version of Ariel's voice, and responds with her stolen voice.
"Who's there?! Show yourself!" Says Ursula in a frightened manner.
"Follow the chill down your spine and your thirst for destruction" says the demonic version of Ariel's voice.
Ursula then scans around the path, looking at any corner trying to find the source of the voice; A bush, a rock, a tree in the distance, the waves of the ocean.
"I'M OVER HERE!!!" says the voice impatiently.
Vanessa then sees a puddle and looks at her reflection, only it also isn't her reflection.
"Ursula, don't you remember what I have commanded you to do in regards to unleashing me back into the world?" Says the reflection in a diabolical, soft tone.
Ursula/Vanessa looks shocked at what she's seeing, and speechless. "n... no..." she stammers.
"I commanded you to lure merpeople, octopids, and Sharkanians to seemingly help them, then to deliberately sabotage their ends of the deal so you can turn them into Polyps and steal their souls as sacrifices to me to break this infernal seal. Don't you also remember how we met?"
"No... I mean, I can't exactly... say... how we met other than you appearing in my head sometime before..."
"don't play dumb with me!" the reflection snarled "don't you remember those thirteen years ago when you investigated the ruins of Atlantis?" The voice snarls.
Vanessa, now realizing, looks down at her nautilus shell, which is also glowing in an unnatural setting. "the Heart of Darkness... the forbidden necklace..." she says in a sense of fear.
"Correct! ME! The Demon of Destruction, the one you were destined to unleash again! Only one merperson has the ability to stop us, or if we can sacrifice her, her dad... and you..."
Vanessa looks at her reflection in fear as it gives a manic grin.
"H... H... how were you able to dominate most of my thoughts now?" Stammers Vanessa.
"I was able to use your frustration on Ariel and that mortal prince nearly kissing, as well as your transforming into a form similar to Ariel's, and her voice to strengthen my hold on you, so that I can be able to gain a new body until the seal is broken! Now, go and fulfill my command, Ursula! Hehehehahahaha...!"
Ursula/Vanessa then turns away and looks back, but she sees her own reflection staring back at her. She then proceeds to the palace, through cliffs and to a gate, where she sees a guard nearby. The Guard notices her.
"Hey! who goes there?!" Shouts the guard.
Vanessa regains composure and approaches the guard, and seductively approaches him.
"Sorry for my lateness, I must have gotten lost trying to find the palace. So can you lead this little lady to her quarters? I feel like I could die at any moment."
"Oh, Vanessa. Sorry, Prince Eric told me that if you were to approach, since you ran late, I'll lead you up. Admittedly, he didn't seem like himself at the time, he almost seemed like a zombie, almost. ahh... No matter No matter, follow me to the tower on the east wing, milady. Oh, and don't mind The Olde English Sheepdog, Max, he's usually friendly with visitors." Says the Guard sheepishly.
He starts leading her through the castle grounds towards the door, and she notices Max. She looks at him as he sleeps, and he slowly wakes up.
Max, however, senses something quite abnormal about "Vanessa", something pure evil and not-human. He starts barking ferociously and running around. However, Vanessa and some guards that are patrolling, and even an asleep Ariel hear it.
The guard escorting Vanessa through the grounds stops, and approaches Max's area, thinking, "Just what the heck is that dumb dog barking about?". He then get's so irritated that he starts to explode in frustration.
"Hey! Shut up, you worthless piece of meat!" the guard shouts in frustration.
Ariel hears the commotion outside, disrupting her sleep dreams of trying to get to Eric on the third day.
She wonders in her head, half awake, "why am I hearing Max barking ferociously?"
The Guard then turns to Vanessa, and says "Sorry, I'll be sure to inform his highness to get rid of that dog in the morning."
That, unfortunately, proves to be the last thing the escort guard gets to say, as Vanessa, with a smirk, forms a blade on her hand and stabs him through the head. She then swiftly takes the blade out of the man's head, and he falls down, dead. Vanessa then takes the body and drags it to some bushes, where she hides the body in one of them, making sure that there's no trace of him.
Afterwards, she makes her way to Eric's palace and enters through the Front door. She doesn't make a sound while she stalks around the Palace, locating her room, going up a few steps, and finally locates the bedroom door she is to go through. As she enters for the night, her purple eyes slowly turn crimson and her pupils shrink and almost look reptilian, and a few moments later revert back to normal.
|
|