master musket miriam

[LuKkYaQuAgIrL]

:)ok, i am going to repeat the first paragraph for those who may have read it. and tell me what you think!! there are going to be mermaid but they are not going to be a big role.

Once, a long time ago in Ireland there lived a family who dearly wanted a child. Soon there wishes were answered/granted(?), but it came with a cost. The mother died giving birth to her baby girl, but in her last breath named the baby Miriam, then she finally died. The father was so heart broken from the death of his wife that he soon didn’t have the will to do anything but mourn his dead wife. After 10 years since his wife died, he had lost the will to live, he had left no will, so Miriam had nothing, but before she abandoned home she stole her father’s old musket because it was the only thing he would even look at other then herself after his wife died, so it had to have some meaning.
Now Miriam is 13 years old. She does chores for the local blacksmith who then gives her lessons on how to use weapons like the musket in return. Soon she is ready to have mastered her father’s musket on with other weapons. one night when she was sharpening the tools up, a great boom was heard in the distance. quickly she heard screams and saw that the town was glowing. pirates have attacked!!! she was hoping to be able to get out of town before something like this would happen. so she grabbed a near by sword and her musket and headed outside to find the blacksmith. she called out his name and searched around for him. she couldn't find him. then she hears a sqeal from a couple feet behind her. she runs, and too find the blacksmith headless on the cold ground. she was in shock, that she didn't even notice the band of pirates standing behind her. she turned, there were three of them and they all grabbed her. no matter how much she screamed and tugged they wouldn't let go. then the one with a red beard, and a tattoo around his eye said, "will you shut-up???" as he punched her on the head. miriam became unconsious.

yep, so there is the beginning in greater detail. , so tell me what you think!!

[swemer]

Great! We want more!
Keep it up!

[LuKkYaQuAgIrL]

ok, i am happy you are enjoying it so far.

"What the...." groaned miriam as she started to wake up. She found herself in some kind of cellar. There was some water on the ground and there were leaks all around. it wasn't dark where she was sitting for there was a candle lit on the table beside to where she was laying.
"i think the rascal's awake" she heard in the distance. two different men came up to her, but she could tell they weren't pirates.
"how do you feel miss", the older one said.
"i am fine, i think", said miriam. she noticed that the boy looked to be about the same age as her, maybe older. "where am i?" she asked.
"you're with us" the other boy said. he was about the age of 10 or 11.
"what my brother means," the older boy said, "is that you were probably taken captive like me and him. My name is George and this is my brother Will."
"captive!?" said miriam.

allright. i leave the story here. so reply if you like it! ^^

[powerdroid]

Nice style. My only suggestion is break up your paragraphs. Many people are put off by a wall of text.

[LuKkYaQuAgIrL]

ok, we left off where mariam just met george and will and she just found out she was a captive.

After a while miriam found out she abord the pirate ship known as the angel of death. it wasn't an original name, miriam could think of about 2 other well known pirate ships with the same name.
AT first, life aboard the ship was hard for miriam. because she was so stubborn and more often then not she would say the wrong thing at the wrong time, she would get in trouble a lot. The only thing that kept her from jumping off the ship into the sea was her friends goerge and will. They would do all the chores together and help each other and in the evening they would all sit together on deck away from the other members of the pirate crew and stare at the stars, and in rare cases they would see the sunrise. Then one night when the crew got more drunk then usual, they decided to go on the deck to harass miriam, goerge, and will. Soon a fight between the pirates and miriam and her friends broke out. goerge and miriam tried their best to protect will from the pirate crew, but it was too hard. goerge was a one on three with the pirates, then when miriam wasn't looking one of the crew members got a hold of will. miriam tried to run to wills aid but was interuppted when she tripped and a pirate kicked her right in the stomach. all she could do was lay there in pain when she saw a blaze of a bright light encircle her. the ship had caught on fire because of the carelessness of a pirate.
the mayhem stopped, and it was so silent you could have heard a pin drop as the pirates finally relized what they had done.
"You scallywags!" you heard the captain yell, "hurry get into the life boat"
All of a sudden all the pirates ran towards the small boats that hadn't caught on fire yet. miriam looked around her. goerge was limping her way, his lip was bleeding, he had a swollen eye and lookes like his wrist was broken, that was about it, he also had a lot of bruises. he came over and helped her up. then they started looking for will. when they see him, he is unconsious and on the other side of the deck. miriam and goerge started will's way when all of sudden they felt the ship move under their feet.
"it's going down", yelled goerge, "we have to hurry!"
In a panick mariam and goerge do their best to run toward will. then when they get about 2 feet away from will the ship gives. miriam dives for will and gets his hand. holding will she and goerge are able to jump off the ship right before the whole thing is under water.

tell me what you think of it so far.

[LuKkYaQuAgIrL]

is anyone enjoying the story?

[Random Prince]

Wow, that's a very exciting story!!! Are you going to write any more?

[LuKkYaQuAgIrL]

o i guess! sorry!

[LuKkYaQuAgIrL]

In the freezing cold water, George is slowing falling unconsious, and Miriam is having a hard enough time as it is to try to keep will out of the water.
"It's not worth it," moned George, "we're too weak, it would be a miracle if we didn't die tonight!" Miriam, even though was terribly weak, knew that life itself was worth it. She had lost everything around her, she isn't going to lose her only friends.
"Look at the stars." said Miriam in a low breath, "see you can find the north star." George looks up, but it was hard to see because of his swollen eye. "Found it!"Miriam said. "Let go this way." Miriam pointed in the direction of the north star. She hoped there might be land if they go that way. George didn't know what Miriam was doing, but he trusted her, anyways they were all too tired to argue over anything at the moment. For hours all they did was sorda wade through the current until dawn came. Miriam was wheezing she was so out breath from the night. Will had finally started moaning. George and Miriam were so thankful that he was alive.
"Look!" yelled George, "there's an island in the distance." Miriam and George were so over whelmed they both grabbed Will and swam as fast as they could. Once they got ashore, they slept and rested for as long as they could.

[Random Prince]

Oooh, this story is really cool! I love the part about looking at the stars.

[LuKkYaQuAgIrL]

_Will slowly opened his eyes to see his brother George asleep. The sun was so warm and nice compared the bitter cold night they all had experienced. Will had turned around to see Miriam had woken up. She was sitting a couple feet away just staring out into the ocean.
_"You finally woke up." Miriam was saying, " How do you feel?"
_"Sore." answered Will.
_"Figured." said Miriam.
_In the mist of there conversation, they hadn't noticed that George woke up.
_"Morning," he interuppted.
_"Morning," Miriam and Will said with the same tone quality in their voices that George greeted them with. There wasn't much being said among the three until Will interupted the silence, "So what now?" he asked. they all stared at each other. What were they going to do? They were on a unknown island to all three of them with no food or no water. Miriam decided to make the most of it. She stood up and nade sure she had her musket on her.
_"Were are going?" asked George.
_"Out to find whatever we can use" answered Miriam.
_"You're not going out alone." Will said.
_"Well what do you suggest then?" Miriam said.
_"Well I don't know, but I think Will is right," George was saying, "You can't go out alone."

[Random Prince]

I love this story! You have great ideas Mariam!

[LuKkYaQuAgIrL]

randomprince1 said:

You have great ideas Mariam!

here's a secret....i'm making up most of it as i write it! eek, i know, i am still trying to figure out how i am going to introduce merpeople, i have a couple of ideas, but i'm not really sure if it will work out.