Mermaid Goddess

[WickedElphie]

Okay. For the past month or so I've been somewhat obsessed with my cast recording of The Last Five Years, an Off-Broadway show from 2002 that starred Norbert Leo Butz and Sherie Rene Scott as Jamie and Kathy, a young couple that fall in love with each other, get married, and eventually grow apart.

What's really cool is that you see Kathy's side of the story backwards, from the end to the beginning, while Jamie goes foward. The only time they sing together is during "The Next Ten Minutes", the song where they get married, and during the last song(s) Goodbye 'Til Tomorrow/I Could Never Rescue You.

So I decided to parody Jamie's first song "Shiksa Goddess" and have it be Eric singing to Ariel.

Telll me what you think:

"Mermaid Goddess"

Eric:

I'm breaking poor Grimsby’s heart

The longer I stand looking at you

The more I hear it splinter and crack

From almost a mile away

I'm breaking poor Grimsby’s heart

The foundation of my castle is shaking

And crumbling to the ground

And my father is rolling

Rolling in his grave

If you had a tattoo, that wouldn't matter

If you had a shaved head, that would be cool

If you came from the Pacific or Atlantic

Or the Mediterranean

Just as long as you're not from terra firma

I'd say, 'Now I'm getting somewhere!

I'm finally breaking through!'

I'd say, 'Hey! Hey! Mermaid goddess!

I've been waiting for someone like you'

I've been waiting through Lady Danica and Baroness Weiss

And the Sne Hvide twins

I've been waiting through Dutchess Heather, Countess Annie, Vicomtesse de Chagny and Earless Katz

And Markiza Rosen, Baronetess Ellen,

Archiduquesa Julia, and the Queen of Kandevon

I've spent two weeks miserable and craven

Trying to avoid the Princess of Glowerhaven

But the minute I first met you

I could barely catch my breath

I've been standing for days with a ring in my hand

Like an foolish person, scared to death

I've been floundering in the ocean

I've been hypnotized, and in distress

My people have no idea that yours even exist

And I couldn‘t care less!

If you had a forked tongue, that wouldn't matter

If you once were a tadpole or you dated a sharkman,

If your father and your Ursula had 'relations' with each other

Or it turned out that she was really your aunt

I'd say, 'Well, nobody's perfect'

It's tragic but it's true

I'd say, 'Hey! Hey! Mermaid goddess!

I've been waiting for someone like...'

You, breaking the circle

You, taking the light

You, you are the reason

I know its right

Let’s get it right!

If you rode Killer Whales, that wouldn't matter

If you like to drink blood, I think it's cute

If you've got a powerful connection to your father’s scary weapon

I'd say, go ahead and shoot

I'm your human slave, at your service

Just tell me what to do

I say, 'Hey hey hey hey!

I've been waiting for someone

I've been praying for someone

I think that I could be in love with someone

Like You'
****************************************************
Shiksa Goddess Lyrics

JAMIE
I'm breaking my mother's heart
The longer I stand looking at you
The more I hear it splinter and crack
From ninety miles away

I'm breaking my mother's heart
The JCC of Spring Valley is shaking
And crumbling to the ground
And my grandfather's rolling
Rolling in his grave

If you had a tattoo, that wouldn't matter
If you had a shaved head, that would be cool
If you came from Spain or Japan
Or the back of a van
Just as long as you're not from Hebrew school
I'd say, "Now I'm getting somewhere!
I'm finally breaking through!"
I'd say, "Hey! Hey! Shiksa goddess!
I've been waiting for someone like you"

I've been waiting through Danica Schwartz and Erica Weiss
And the Handelman twins
I've been waiting through Heather Greenblatt, Annie Mincus, Karen Pincus and Lisa Katz
And Stacy Rosen, Ellen Kaplan, Julie Silber and Janie Stein
I've had Shabbas dinners on Friday nights
With every Shapiro in Washington Heights
But the minute I first met you
I could barely catch my breath
I've been standing for days with the phone in my hand
Like and foolish person, scared to death
I've been wandering through the desert
I've been beaten, I've been hit
My people have suffered for thousands of years
And I don't give a [censored]!

If you had a pierced tongue, that wouldn't matter
If you once were in jail or you once were a man,
If your mother and your brother had "relations" with each other
And your father was connected to the Gotti clan
I'd say, "Well, nobody's perfect"
It's tragic but it's true
I'd say, "Hey! Hey! Shiksa goddess!
I've been waiting for someone like..."

You, breaking the circle
You, taking the light
You, you are the story
I should write
I have to write!

If you drove an R.V., that wouldn't matter
If you like to drink blood, I think it's cute
If you've got a powerful connection to your firearm collection
I'd say, Draw a bead and shoot
I'm your Hebrew slave, at your service
Just tell me what to do
I say, "Hey hey hey hey!
I've been waiting for someone
I've been praying for someone
I think that I could be in love with someone
Like You"