Origins Of The Grotto

[tnadav1]

Fanfic explaining how Ariel found her grotto.

"It was a sunny in Atlantica,Ariel looked for human stuff with Flounder in a new sunken ship,

"Look what I found" said Ariel and showed Flounder a hat,

"What is it?" he asked,

"I have no idea but I like it" she said and put it in her bag,

Flounder heard something and swam outside the boat,just when Ariel found a book Flounder came back and swam quickley to Ariel,

"SHARK!" he yelled,

"What?" asked Ariel and then she saw Glut the shark swimming around the ship from the window near her,

"Oh no,time to leave" said Ariel,

she put the book in her bag and they swam out of the ship,

"This way!" she said and they swam over a reef but Glut kept swimming after them,

"That's odd,he never leaves the ship" said Ariel worried,

"Let's go to the castle,he won't follow us there" she said and they started swimming,

He seemed to disappear but then swam in front of them,They started swimming over the end of the reef.

"Where are we going?" asked Flounder,

"I don't know but I don't have any other idea,let's keep swimming until we find something" said Ariel,

they swam in a kelp forest,after they past some rocks they found a cave,

"Let's go inside! he won't find us here" said Ariel,

"But what if there are eels or something inside?" asked Flounder,

"It's better then staying out here when he's after us,I don't think there's anyone here" and they came in.

"I"ve never been in this place" said Flounder,

"Me neither" said Ariel and they entered they saw how pretty was the grotto from inside,

"What a nice grotto" said Ariel and started swimming around,

"Yeah" said Flounder,

"You can even see what's outside throught that hole in the ceiling" she said,

after a little while Ariel went outside,

"I think he's gone,let's go home" said Ariel,Flounder came outside,

"Do you remember to get here? I whould like to go here again" said Ariel after she liked the grotto so much,

"I think" he said and they swam to the castle.

While it was getting dark,Ariel was in her room,Flounder just came and she was worried,

"I have too many things in my bag! and there isn't enough room under my bed" she said,

"Can't you just put it in a drawer or something?" asked Flounder,

"Oh no,someone might find it!" explained Ariel,they were thinking and Ariel had an idea,

"How about the grotto that we found today?" she asked,

"And nobody will find it?" asked Flounder,

"I don't think there's someone there,we were all alone there" told him Ariel,

"I guess" said Flounder,

"Then Let's go tomorrow" she said and they swam to eat dinner.

The day after Ariel put in the grotto her new human stuff,

"Now it looks magical" said Ariel and looked around,

"Like my own room!" she said,

"But there aren't a lot of human stuff here" said Flounder,

"I"ll just keep collecting things and it look all magical" said Ariel.

Ever since that day Ariel picked all kind of human stuff and changed the grotto,it was her own special grotto".

If there are spelling mistakes then someone can fix them?.

[WickedElphie]

Hi Ariel's Prince! It's always great to see someone post a new story. However if you look near the top of the Fanfic Forum there is a thread with the name Official LAF Fanfiction Posting Guidelines.

Here's a link: littleariel.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=Stories&action=display&thread=2665

As one might guess from the title that thread contains the rules for posting stories. Please revise this story according to those rules or I will have to delete it.

[tnadav1]

Oh,okay I"ll fix it about 3 and 6 but didn't got 4.

[WickedElphie]

Four means:

"Daddy!" Ariel said, shocked. King Triton growled, "I told you to stay away from humans!"

Should be:

"Daddy!" Ariel said, shocked.

King Triton growled, "I told you to stay away from humans!"

Does that make sense now?

[tnadav1]

Fixed it is it better? and what do you think of the story?.

[WickedElphie]

Better, but still not quite right.

What you need to do is skip a line between paragraphs and people talking. The point is to make it so that the reader isn't looking at one big block of text. By breaking it up you're making it much easier to read, tell who is speaking, etc.

Taking my earlier example. This:

"Daddy!" Ariel said, shocked.
King Triton growled, "I told you to stay away from humans!"

needs to be this:

"Daddy!" Ariel said, shocked.

King Triton growled, "I told you to stay away from humans!"

[tnadav1]

I see I fixed it what do you think of the story?.

[WickedElphie]

Well the truth is there are still a lot of problems with sentence structure, some typos, and a few lines attached to each other that shouldn't be.

These all put together make it seem like you wrote this very quickly without putting as much time and effort into it as you could have.

The thing is I remember writing my first stories and wanting so badly to have it up that I didn't check it over as carefully as I should have or even do the best writing I could. It's something that happens a lot with new fanfic writers.

Do me a favor. Read over this piece slowly to yourself, out-loud. See if you don't catch some things that you missed.

So I guess what I'm saying is keep working at it. Either with this story or the next one. You'll keep getting better as you go and I look forward to watching your progress. Good luck with all your writing!

[tnadav1]

I tried to improve it,how about now?.

[WickedElphie]

It's great that you're working to improve. But what I am saying is that I would like you take some more time.

Tell you what-why don't you keep working on it, and in a week, post the new version and then I will tell you what I think, okay?

Take your time. Make it the best that you can. I'll still be here in a week. Good luck!