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Post by UmbrellaFish on Feb 25, 2008 18:27:42 GMT -5
Hello! It's me again! I've been writing this story and two others the past week and I finally finished typing it. This story delves deeper into the realm of Gargoyles and some of the new characters I created in the last story. If anybody is confused with the Gargoyles characters used in this story, look here, s8.org/askgreg, here, gargoyles.dracandros.com/, and here, www.gargoyles-fans.org/. The first few chapters are short, but there's some really long chapters in this story and the next one. So, please, enjoy! ____________________________________________________ Humans and Gargoyles
CHAPTER ONE: BROKEN There was a burst of bright yellow light in the dark purple cave. Suddenly, all the brown wormy creatures… turned into merpeople. All were giving sighs of relief, and some were dancing around. They quickly left the cave, because they didn’t want to stay in the area where they had had such terrible experiences, although, one did stay behind. He was perplexed at how he could breathe under water, because the only time he had ever been able to breathe was when he was a polyp. And he assumed he would be in his normal form. But he just couldn’t look down, for fear of seeing what he dreaded worst of all. He swam over to the mirror, and he looked at himself. He was still wearing his crown, and his shirt. He could feel his pants. He came to the conclusion that good magic had killed the evil magic and given him time to swim to the surface and be saved. But when he swam up and turned around to face the mirror, he saw one empty pants leg… and the other filled with a maroon tail. The worst thing that could of happened did. No longer was he a human man. He was now a merman. And he would have to live the rest of his life as one. He swam out of the cave, slowly, and gloomily. In front of him he saw a glistening city. So maybe not all of these creatures are barbaric, he thought to himself. So, he went out swimming. Swimming to his new life.
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Post by UmbrellaFish on Feb 26, 2008 17:02:39 GMT -5
Next chapter! BTW, Last night one of the Muses stopped over and now I have some more ideas to carry this plotline over. ____________________________________________________ Humans and Gargoyles
CHAPTER TWO: A NEW LIFE Thomas saw all the merpeople swimming up to the surface. He figured it was some ritual or something, so he swam up, too. When he reached the surface he saw a big white wedding boat. He recognized as the one he had been wedded in. He could a large merman, with an equally large triton, hugging a red headed woman in a wedding dress. After she had hugged the merman, she turned to another man. Who seemed to be her groom. He immediately recognized the man as…his son. He swam, faster and faster. But the boat floated away, towards shore. The once-king began to cry. He almost had the opportunity to see his son again, but he missed it. A mermaid swam next to him. “Oh, I know. Weddings make me cry, too,” comforted the mermaid. “No, you see, someone on that boat was very dear to me, and now I’ll never see them again,” he replied. “Was it my sister Ariel? She made a lot of friends and she was a great person,” told the blonde mermaid. “Your sister, that human, was once a mermaid?” asked the Thomas. “Mmmhmm,” she answered, “This is very rude of me. My name’s Arista!” “Oh, hello, I suppose. My name is Thomas,” he replied back. “Hey, Thomas, would you like to come home to the palace with me?” she asked. “You’re a princess?” asked the previous king. “Yes, I am. And the next one in line for the crown,” bragged Arista, “Come on let’s go!” and the mermaid-princess submerged into the water. “Good bye,” said the king, symbolically parting from his son. He felt a tug at his tail. “Comm oub!” he heard from beneath the water. He swam down.
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Post by tnadav1 on Feb 27, 2008 10:59:36 GMT -5
Yay,a sequel . I loved that he didn't died. “Oh, I know. Weddings make me cry, too,” XDDDDD,can you make Arista that she'll be nice to Ariel? because only in the series she dosn't get along with her (and i think the series showed Ariel's sisters in a bad light). I have a similar idea to a Narnia\Little Mermaid crossover fanfic,do you like it? .
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Post by UmbrellaFish on Feb 27, 2008 11:35:41 GMT -5
Yeah, I just always wondered about Eric's parents, so I just couldn't let him die. Yes, they did show the sisters in a bad light. But you know, everybody has a little sibling rivalry. The next chapters will take place after TLM 2, and so yes, Arista will be nice to Ariel in the upcoming chapters. You haven't posted the Narnia/TLM fanfic yet, have you? I'd love to see what you'd do to it.
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Post by WickedElphie on Feb 27, 2008 11:41:20 GMT -5
To be honest, I have to say I wasn't entirely satisfied with the way the first story ended. Eric seeking revenge, seems Out Of Character, and I didn't feel like you justified it. I could maybe see him being mistrustful of any other Gargoyles he meets, but I couldn't see him say, acting like Duncan and smashing them etc. Also having the trident being given to Triton by Mason just didn't gel with me.
That being said, I really enjoyed the opening to the sequel. Having Eric's father witness the wedding scene was an especially nice touch. I look forward to seeing where you take the story from here!
BTW Arista says she is next in line for the crown, but going by the order in "Daughters of Triton", Aquata is the oldest.
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Post by tnadav1 on Feb 27, 2008 11:49:23 GMT -5
Yay . I know but they were really nasty in the series (they always made fun of Ariel),yay,i"m glad she will be . Not yet,i"m glad you like the story-i thought of Ariel's sisters are getting ready for a fair and ask Ariel to help,they open a clam and they get to Narnia,they meet Aslan who ask them to bring some gem The White Witch needs to make Narnia creatures obey her and Ursula is helping her,i wonder if to make it before The Lion,The Witch and the Wordrobe,or make Ariel and the sisters meet the Pevensie children?.
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Post by UmbrellaFish on Feb 27, 2008 12:03:13 GMT -5
To be honest, I have to say I wasn't entirely satisfied with the way the first story ended. Eric seeking revenge, seems Out Of Character, and I didn't feel like you justified it. I could maybe see him being mistrustful of any other Gargoyles he meets, but I couldn't see him say, acting like Duncan and smashing them etc. Also having the trident being given to Triton by Mason just didn't gel with me. That being said, I really enjoyed the opening to the sequel. Having Eric's father witness the wedding scene was an especially nice touch. I look forward to seeing where you take the story from here! BTW Arista says she is next in line for the crown, but going by the order in "Daughters of Triton", Aquata is the oldest. To be honest, I don't know much about the sisters. I knew Arista and she immediately came to mind. I guess Aquata could have given up the throne, couldn't she? To me Eric, really didn't have much in the film. I understand how you didn't like the ending, ecspecially with the trident, I myself like the idea the Triton's father gave it to him better, but I think Mason needed something to do, didn't he? So back to Eric, I don't think I ever wrote that he went out and smashed gargoyles. He just wanted them out of his kingdom, BTW, he didn't see Ursula. Anyway, Eric's got at least some sympathy for the gargoyles, but I don't think he can think entirely straight. I hope you'll enjoy this ending a bit better though, as it ends on a happier note with Eric making a decision. And before I post the next chapter, Ariel may seem out of character, but she's a mother, a queen, and a wife. So she's a bit more responsible now.
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Post by UmbrellaFish on Feb 27, 2008 12:30:40 GMT -5
I'm about to deal with some very very serious characters in both TLM and Gargoyles. To be truthful, I was kinda afraid to do this because I'm dealing with such strong characters. And I know how annoying Melody is. lol. Hopefully you'll enjoy this chapter. ____________________________________________________ HUMANS AND GARGOYLES
CHAPTER THREE: SKIFF Melody was swimming out in the open water when she saw a strange wooden skiff. She could just make out a woman, and what looked like two statues. “Sebastian, do you know them?” asked the young girl. “Now how am I supposed to know them? And you better not try to find out who they are!” commanded the crab. Melody swam under the surface. “Oh great.” “Hello!” said a gleaming Melody to the woman. “Wow! I wouldn’t sneak up on somebody like that,” said the woman with jet black hair. “Startling people is in my family’s blood,” replied Melody. “Okay, little girl. But can you tell me where I’m at?” asked the New York detective. “Sure. You’re in my father’s kingdom!” answered Melody. She swam into the water and she jumped out. “You’re a….,” stuttered the woman. “A MERMAID!” giggled the girl as she jumped out of the water revealing an orange tail and fins. “Come on, I’ll take you to my castle,” said Melody. Elisa took a paddle and began rowing. “So, what’s your name?” asked the little mermaid. “Mine is Melody!” “My name is Elisa,” answered the detective. “And what are those statues?” inquired Melody. “Um… nothing. Just decoration,” replied Elisa. “Oh, okay,” Melody smiled. “Melody, I don’t tink dis is a good idea,” warned Sebastian. But Melody just kept on swimming onward. On the beach, she could see her red haired mother, waiting. “Mom! Look at what I found!” Melody said getting out of the water, and, Elisa saw a golden necklace around her neck glow. Now the mermaid had legs. Human legs. “I see,” said Ariel, staring at the statues. “Please, come out of your boat. Melody, go and change into something decent to wear,” she added. Once Melody had left, Ariel began to speak with the visitor. “Hello, my name is Queen Ariel, and you are currently at my palace.” “Hi, I’m no title Elisa Maza,” joked the law enforcer. “Yes, and I assume your gargoyle friends have no names at all?” replied Ariel. “You know?” said the startled Elisa. “Hmm,” Ariel smiled, “We’ll find three rooms for you and your friends. And I’ll give you some of my old dresses to wear.” “No, that’s not necessary. My friends would be more comfortable on a balcony,” replied Maza. “Fine. Tonight we will have dinner. First, though. I’ll show you to your room and get one of my servants to transport your friends there. “
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Post by tnadav1 on Feb 27, 2008 12:49:06 GMT -5
Ha,nice chapter i like Melody here thought i don't really like her (and i hate The Little Mermaid II) . Can make her something she got from Triton that make her switch between mermaid and human form?. Edit:Now i noticed the necklace,anyway i really loved that idea .
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Post by WickedElphie on Feb 27, 2008 14:23:37 GMT -5
Hmm...more developments. I'm assuming the phoenix gate is what sent Elisa and company to the past. Am I right? Also I'm curious as to where they are on their grand tour. Closer to the end or the beginning?
I actually don't mind Melody as a character.
Nice continuation!
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Post by UmbrellaFish on Feb 27, 2008 14:29:03 GMT -5
I would say they're closer to the beginning of the tour.
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Post by WickedElphie on Feb 27, 2008 14:41:52 GMT -5
Ahh...Well I guess I'll ask it straight out: Does Angela know who her parents are?
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Post by UmbrellaFish on Feb 27, 2008 14:58:03 GMT -5
I don't think Angela knows. Unfortunatley, we won't be seeing much of Bronx or Angela. Most Gargoyles related scenes feature Elisa and Goliath in the spotlight. I think Angela has one line. lol. But Bronx will serve as a great metaphor! . I'd have to say this adventure takes place between Heirtage and Monsters.
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Post by WickedElphie on Feb 27, 2008 22:22:35 GMT -5
Gotcha. WHich means Elisa and Goliath suspect but don't know for sure and Angela has no clue.
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Post by UmbrellaFish on Feb 28, 2008 9:20:22 GMT -5
I don't know how much WickedElphie will like this chapter. I understand that you felt Eric was out of character, but I have to disagree. Eric has the potential to have many layers, and plus I'm a sucker for the dramatics. I also tried to make this scene similar to the dinner scenes in both TLM and the first season of Gargoyles. Plus, Elisa gets to wear another one of the Disney Princess's dresses. Ariel has more lines, as I felt I was neglecting her a bit, and this being a Little Ariel forum, I thought I could get some more readers by giving Ariel a larger role. And I realize Goliath's lines are much better when written by Michael Reaves, but I try. Anyway, now for the next installment of Humans and Gargoyles, DINNER! P.S. The chapter after this one is probably the shortest of the entire story, but the chapters following are my favorites by far. ____________________________________________________ Humans and Gargoyles
CHAPTER FOUR: DINNER Classical music was being played in the cheerful dining room. Eric sat at the head of the table, with an aged Grimsby beside him. On his other side was Ariel, in her finest gown of silk, and next to her sat thirteen year old Melody. Near Melody was Sebastian, calmly eating his kelp. There were three seats, waiting to be filled. The door leading to the family room opened. In came Elisa in one of Ariel’s old pink dresses. Eric politely smiled to his new guest, but when he saw who followed her, his smile quickly vanished. Behind Elisa were Goliath and Angela, wings draped over their shoulders. “What are those beasts doing here?” questioned an angered Eric. “Eric, why these are our guests,” calmly replied Ariel, “You could at least be a little more polite.” “Ariel, these beasts are, they are monsters! They’re evil!” retorted the king. “One even killed my father!” “Your highness,” said the elegant Goliath, “you can’t judge a whole species on the act of just one member.” “Ha!” laughed Eric. “Everyone, I’m sorry for the inconvenience, but could you please enter the family room for a short moment?” asked Ariel, politely. Once all had left, Ariel went off on Eric. “I can’t believe you could act that way! Arrogance like that is what almost kept us from being together!” argued the queen. “But they killed my father!” Eric yelled in response. “And your kind killed my mother! But I still love you,” said Ariel. “It’s not the same, and you know it!” the king answered weakly. Ariel put her chin on his shoulder. The room became silent. “Scuttle told me something yesterday,” said the queen. “What?” replied her husband. “Arista is finally marrying her fiancé she’s known for years. The wedding is tomorrow, and we should go.” “Maybe a visit down could relax my nerves. It’s been a troubling day,” Eric said, relaxing a bit. “Good.” Eric left the dining room and walked up the stairs to his study. There he saw a gray haired man. “So, I’ve heard you have a pest problem?”
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Post by tnadav1 on Feb 28, 2008 11:14:47 GMT -5
Good chapter . I actually wanted Ariel to wear her pink dress when she first had dinner with Eric . Eric will be a merman?.
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Post by UmbrellaFish on Feb 28, 2008 11:35:51 GMT -5
Yes, Eric will be a merman. I love transformation movies/stories stuff like that, all possibly because of The Little Mermaid. Anyway, the visit will also put the next plan into action (**hint hint to the ending).
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Post by WickedElphie on Feb 28, 2008 12:15:48 GMT -5
You were right. I didn't like Eric's characterization in this chapter. Sorry! It just doesn't feel right to me that he's so... confrontational about it. I, personally, would see him acting more passive-aggressive and being outwardly polite, but wary and uncomfortable.
Giving a character layers is all well and good, but I don't feel you've gone deep enough where I can see this change and believe it. I think a big part of the problem is that you never showed your readers Eric's initial reaction to his father's 'death'. Mason just made an off-hand remark that he was seeking revenge.
I'm not trying to be mean, I'm actually offering you a challenge: Make me believe it. Show me how and why Eric would feel he's been pushed to that point. I do honestly think you could do do it, but as of now I'm not seeing enough in-story justification for his behavior.
I am THRILLED that you included Macbeth. I can see things progressing in very interesting directions. Keep writing!
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Post by UmbrellaFish on Feb 28, 2008 12:42:54 GMT -5
Giving a character layers is all well and good, but I don't feel you've gone deep enough where I can see this change and believe it. I think a big part of the problem is that you never showed your readers Eric's initial reaction to his father's 'death'. Mason just made an off-hand remark that he was seeking revenge. That's what midquels are for. Yes, I did realize people would want to know Eric's inital reaction. Which is why I've been writing a midquel. I totally understand where your coming from, though. I might simultaneously publish both this story and the midquel. And it's funny that the way you just described how you would write Eric, beacuse it's actually how I plan to write him in the continuation of this plot (in a later story). I'm glad you liked Macbeth. It scares me to use him, though. Just how great that character is, and how City of Stone 4-parter feature some of my favorite episodes. By the way, what do you think of The Wierd Sisters?
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Post by tnadav1 on Feb 28, 2008 12:49:36 GMT -5
Yes, Eric will be a merman. I love transformation movies/stories stuff like that, all possibly because of The Little Mermaid. Anyway, the visit will also put the next plan into action (**hint hint to the ending). Ah,that's neat . I wonder what will happens in the visit .
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