Aquanaut
Blowfish
One Step Closer
Posts: 31
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Post by Aquanaut on Feb 15, 2009 16:38:48 GMT -5
Ooh! I love the new section! Things are starting to make sense! I can't wait to see how things will turn out! I can totally see him pairing up with Mozenrath! I always loved him as a villain! It would make a great fic that's for sure!
And Elphie, I love the 'Fiddler on the Roof' quote in you sig! I love that skit! xD
Can't wait to read more! <3
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Post by WickedElphie on Mar 23, 2009 16:02:36 GMT -5
Once again, sorry for the wait. Writer's block is a an evil evil thing. But as a reward for your patience I have the entire rest of Chapter 10 for your reading pleasure. Hopefully you'll like it.
The Siren shrieked as she thrust the trident at the invisible barrier of the circle. “You will pay for this indignity.”
Daemon didn’t answer. He was bending over what looked like a silver bowl filled with herbs. In the center there was a growing stain of red. He flicked a hand and the strange mix burst into flame. Once the smoke began wafting he stood up and started to chant.
“Apollo, Amun-Ra, Amaterasu. Guardians of light, I beseech you. Disperse the shadows of heart and mind. Pierce the darkness that has taken root in her soul. Accept my offering. Grant me your aid!”
There was a sudden shudder in the air and Daemon was engulfed in electric blue light. He extended his palm towards the Siren. The energy passed through his arm and into the circle, hitting her square in the chest, and knocking her against the opposite side of the barrier.
The Siren lifted her head up and began to laugh. “I guess you just weren‘t strong enough, lover. I’m still here.” She lifted the trident and storm clouds rolled in. The wind picked up and rain began to fall. The chalk lines of the circle were smudged and the stones that lay on its perimeter blew away.
Daemon’s eyes widened in fear and he braced his arms in front of his face. It was too late. There was an explosion of power that blew him back several feet before he finally crashed to a stop in the dirt. It took him a minute to get back to his feet.
In that instant he felt the points of the trident pressing under his chin. He raised his head to stare his enemy in the eye. Her face was close enough to kiss. She cupped his cheek in her hand almost gently and whispered, “Poor, poor boy. You tried so very hard, didn’t you? All that pain and toil, and all for nothing.”
The Siren pulled her hand away and pressed the three longest points of the trident above his heart. She applied pressure enough to break the skin and dragged the trident diagonally, making a wave of shallow cuts. She smiled at Daemon’s now-complete expression of despair and stepped back. “But now it’s time for your pain to end. Forever.” The trident began to glow with her power as she spoke. “Goodbye Eric.”
There was a golden light that slowly engulfed everything. And then there was nothing at all.
The Siren glared at Daemon from where she stood. “If you remember, I was about to end your miserable existence when there was an interruption. After everything was over, you and the trident were gone.”
“I remember. I woke up on the beach with a headache and chest wound, but no trident. Whatever happened, it wasn’t me.”
Daemon came to on unfamiliar shore and immediately began coughing, trying to clear out the seawater from his lungs. What had happened? He had managed to track down the Siren and had attempted the de-possession spell that it had taken him five years to find and master…She had come after him with the trident and there had been a bright light. Then…nothing. He sat up.
“Feeling all right?” King Triton was looking at his son-in-law with a strange mix of pity, anger, and regret.
Daemon defiantly got to his feet even as his head swam. “Never better. What are you doing here?”
“Eric-”
“Don‘t call me that!” Daemon hissed, as if hearing his old name caused him physical pain.
King Triton raised an eyebrow, “Very well, *Daemon*, then. I didn‘t come to you. There was a light and you appeared in front of me. Since we were underwater and you didn’t seem to be breathing I brought you to the surface. Don‘t worry, this isn‘t your kingdom. Just an island close by.”
“I‘m touched. Whatever happened to ‘One less human to worry about’?”
The king pursed his lips, but didn‘t respond to the taunt. He simply tossed something to the younger man. “Here.”
Daemon caught the object and looked at it. He gasped in surprise. “She told me about this, and her other treasures.” He moved his fingers over the lines of the music box almost reverently as he asked. “Wasn’t it destroyed?”
“Some things that are broken can be fixed.”
The ghost of a smile passed over the prince‘s lips. “I’ve been trying to tell you that for the last five years.”
“Ariel is gone. No one under the sea has ever come back from being possessed. No one!” Triton was visibly trying not to lose his temper, but Daemon was not exactly making it easy for him.
“Not yet.”
The Sea King sighed, defeated. “You’re going to kill yourself if you keep going this way. You know that.”
“I promised myself that I would save her or die trying. I came to terms with the fact that it would probably be the second a long time ago.”
Daemon‘s tired smile faded as he clutched the music box tightly. “Thank you, for this. And for saving me, I guess…But as far as I‘m concerned, you abandoned us, abandoned her when she needed you the most. Nothing you say or do can ever make up for that. The truth is-I don’t ever want to see you again.”
With that he turned his back to King Triton and, sopping wet and shuddering with cold, walked inland, heedless of the three streaks of blood running down the left side of his chest.
Daemon grinned sarcastically. “You’re bluffing, *Siren*. The only reason you were able to take her is because you snuck in. Made her think she was the problem. You can’t do that this time. She’s already seen you. She knows what you are. You’ve lost.” He started laughing. It started out triumphantly but quickly took on a hysterical edge. “We‘re in the same boat, you and I. And it’s sinking fast.”
“Perhaps so. In that case maybe we don‘t have to be enemies. I have a proposition; one I promise will be worth your while to consier.” Her eyes gave nothing away. She could have been lying through her teeth. Or she just might have been telling the truth.
Daemon’s eyes darted to Ariel and Eric, who were lost in each other’s embrace, with their friends behind them and Selene looking on from the side.
“I‘m listening.”
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Post by fridamoonbeam on Mar 23, 2009 18:15:42 GMT -5
Ooohhh! Angsty!
I can't express enough of my love for Daemon. He's deffinately not the "Eric" he used to be, but there are touches that still make him "Eric", dispite of himself. LOL
Also I loved the exchange between him and the king in the flashback. Because you know he'd have SOME feelings about the king, but for the most part would be chill about. But in this aspect it was showcased.
Gah! I'm really badly wanting to read eleven, but I also know that can just be a little stressful to hear. XD
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Post by WickedElphie on Mar 23, 2009 19:26:26 GMT -5
Heh. As far as Daemon's concerned "Eric" was a weakling who let everything important be taken from him and King Triton is, if anything, even worse for not even trying to help the situation. Neither opinion is entirely fair but Daemon's got a couple volumes worth full of guilt and anger issues that have yet to be worked through.
I'm hoping to have at least the start of eleven out by Sunday, but we'll see. Feel free to prod me after a couple weeks if nothing new's been put up.
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Post by fridamoonbeam on Mar 23, 2009 22:22:11 GMT -5
Oh, lord it's a rare ocasion when I run into a fan-fic that makes me even more annoyed with Disney's crappy sequels. LOL It really makes me happy that you see the potenial in the characters to be more than just a children's cartoon. (which hopefully Disney will get back to with TPATF) But I wish some exec at Disney would come across this story, I mean it LOL, once an over-thinker always an over-thinker. I also feel sad about how much he dislikes himself. But it just seems to fit him too. Eric just seemed like he carried a lot of things with him. But I don't trust Daemon either! Even if I am his fan-girl LOL Well, I wish you the best of luck with it! No pressure.
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Post by WickedElphie on Mar 23, 2009 23:05:48 GMT -5
*Blushes* There's no way Disney could ever make a movie out of this story. Too dark, too confusing, and lets not even get into the whole ritualized magic aspect... But I appreciate the compliment.
It's probably good that you don't trust Daemon. Like I said, he's not exactly the poster child for sound mental and emotional health.
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Post by fridamoonbeam on Mar 24, 2009 0:06:30 GMT -5
::nods:: Don't forget it's also in character and well thought out. Not material for a Disney sequel. LOL But I know they never touch TTWDPF, I'd probably get stoned from them LOL Oh, I can't wait to find out what the 'deal' is the Siren wants to make. And very funny on your part to have Eric and Ariel oblivious to them
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Post by WickedElphie on Mar 24, 2009 23:53:50 GMT -5
Time-wise in the fic the Daemon/Siren confrontation up to this point really only lasts a few minutes, and starts almost instantlly after Ariel heads over to Eric, so I don't think it's inconceivable that A/E have yet to come out of their happy reunion bubble. The flashbacks make it seem longer than it is, which is something I did on purpose.
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Post by Zavi on Mar 26, 2009 16:39:26 GMT -5
-stumbles in- I got sick between the time I posted last and now. Good timing, heh. [/sarcasm] Hopefully this review will be somewhat competent:
As soon as I heard "Amaterasu", the music from Okami started playing through in the rest of the section. XD
It's starting to make sense, -dances-, it's starting to make sense! I'm really glad you're not falling into the trap of the infodump, where the plot just stops because the characters have to explain something. Great job at keeping the plot going and showing information at the same time. It's great that I don't know everything yet, and plot details aren't being shoved into my face. Take that, crappy fantasy novels! -shakes fist-
Now, onto some little details:
-implodes-
There aren't enough words to describe how much I love this line. There's so much tension packed into those few words, and...aaah! It pulls together the entire story so far-seriously. I adored the dialogue after the line as well. And the fact that the Siren calls him Eric at the last moment in the flashback. I know they're all really little details, but it's those that count.
If I could give you any notes for improvement, I would take tiny steps to bring your readers into the supernatural parts of the fic-the stuff that requires more suspension of disbelief than the movie has. It's mainly stuff like this:
What circle? Is there a more specific noun you could have used? I got the gist of the setting as I read on, but it'd pull me in more if there were more specific details.
This isn't a huge problem, but something that confused me:
...are you implying that there are more points on this trident? I wasn't sure about that wording.
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Post by WickedElphie on Mar 26, 2009 17:32:59 GMT -5
Quote:Her face was close enough to kiss. -implodes- I'm glad you liked that. I'm a sucker for that kind of moment myself, which was why I put it in. As for using the word "circle", that's what it is. The chalk lines of the circle were smudged [by the falling rain] Daemon literally took a piece of chalk,drew a circle on the ground, then set what was more or less a mystical tripwire, and lured the Siren there. I didn't think it was necessary to go into that in great detail because the precise workings of the spell aren't really that important. Just that Daemon failed, the Siren retaliated, and something weird happened after. three longest points of the trident Yeah. That's bad word choice. "Three sharp points" or something would have been better. I'll try to remember to fix that when I do my last edit after the story's finished. Thanks again for putting so much thought into your response!
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Post by fathomsbelow on Apr 1, 2009 17:06:35 GMT -5
I really like the story. It's really intriguing, and I love how now everything's coming together. Eric is awesome, and I like Daemon too. All the Eric/Ariel fluff is cute ^^
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Post by merprincess on Apr 19, 2009 17:53:52 GMT -5
I just started reading this and I LOVE it!! I like Daemon a lot, but I can't completely trust him too. Can't wait for more
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